Tuesday, 29 December 2015

Lost and found snake weirdness

The Newsletter ("The Pride of Northern Ireland"): Snake found on street in Ballymena

Did St Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland for nothing?

Spotter's Badge: Billy

Monday, 28 December 2015

Lost bong weirdness

Hartlepool Mail: Man arrested after asking police to get his drugs bong back

The picture of the gavel is captioned "gavel" in case people think it's a bong. Judges don't use gavels.

Spotter's Badge: Andrew

Saturday, 26 December 2015

Friday, 25 December 2015

Cat poo weirdness

Swindon Advertiser: Man smears poo on cat, runs away

Police are looking for a man with brown fingers.

Spotter's Badge: Tanya

Wednesday, 23 December 2015

Angry turkey weirdness

Lancashire Telegraph: Turkey saved from the chop after escaping three times

That is one angry turkey. He'd have your face off given half a chance.

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Thursday, 17 December 2015

Santa's Grotto weirdness

Great Yarmouth Mercury: Santa's grotto for dogs

There's not much to do in Great Yarmouth, you know, not since the waxworks closed.

Spotter's Badge: Dave

Wednesday, 16 December 2015

Shoe fetish weirdness

Exeter Express and Echo: Teenager told to seek help over his shoe fetish or face jail

"The owner of the shoes was so disgusted she told police she never wanted to see them again"

Can I have them? Asking for a friend.

Tuesday, 15 December 2015

UFO over Eastbourne weirdness

Eastbourne Gazette: UFO was like the Starship Enterprise, says Sussex pensioner

What you saw, sir, was marsh gas reflecting off the planet Venus. Kindly look into this red light on the end of my pen.

Monday, 14 December 2015

Mouldy fire engine weirdness

Falmouth Packet: Local 'character' tries to move his clapped-out fire engine with DVLA wheel clamp attached

It was - of course - all the DVLA's fault for clamping the thing for having no tax, no MOT and being clapped-out on a public road.

Wednesday, 9 December 2015

Tuesday, 8 December 2015

Bad E-fit

Bognor Regis Observer: Woman punched Wolverine so hard in the face she broke her fingers

Punching people in the face tip: Never us a closed fist, always the ball of the palm with a straight arm right into the nose. You're welcome.

Don't have nightmares.

Spotter's Badge: Jay

Friday, 4 December 2015

Bad e-fit

Bridgwater Mercury: This man has done some bad things

...mostly to do with the use of eye-liner.

Don't have nightmares.

Spotter's Badge: Rob J

Thursday, 3 December 2015

Cow on the roof weirdness

Halifax Courier: Cow ends up on roof terrace

I expect you're wondering how it go up there. By ladder, DUH.

Spotter's Badge: Ian, Paul

Wednesday, 2 December 2015

Sunday, 29 November 2015

Wheelie bin weirdness

London Evening Standard: Protesters barricade council leader's house with wheelie bins

Top marks for inventiveness, but lose a few for not filling them with turds.

Spotter's Badge: Jules

Saturday, 28 November 2015

Frighteningly good e-fit

Fleet News and Mail: This man flashed his willy at a teenage girl in a park in Fleet

All well and good, except, I live in Fleet and look like this:

I've burned my hoodie, and I've got a cast-iron alibi.

Don't have nightmares

Friday, 27 November 2015

Yoga weirdness

Brighton Argus: Punches thrown as yoga gurus fight in late night brawl

"No, I'm more zen than you"

*BIFF!*

"No, I'm far closer to nirvana than you'll ever be"

*SMACK!*

Wednesday, 25 November 2015

Rubbish Ninja weirdness

Lancashire Telegraph: 'Ninja carrying a gun' turns out to be Star Wars cosplayer on a charity walk

Guns in public = a telling-off from the police, or - at worst - a new hole in your head. Don't be an arsehole.

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Monday, 23 November 2015

Sausage award that looks a lot like a man's pecker weirdness

You're a world-famous chef. You've got two Michelin stars for your gourmet restaurant. So what do you do if you're Michel Roux Jr? You hand out sausage awards that look exactly like a penis, that's what.

East Devon Midweek Herald: Sausage Award!

West Briton: Sausage award!

Berwick Advertiser: Sausage Award!

Colchester Gazette: Sausage Award!

Cumbria Crack: Sausage Award!

Market Rasen Mail: Sausage Award!

Southport Visitor: Sausage Award!

And, of course, there's always one that doesn't need to glad-hand Michel Roux

RJ Balson and Son: Sausage Award!

Still, nothing will ever beat the famous glass cock golf trophy.

Toilet door weirdness

Mid-Devon Gazette: Council getting peeved at people locking toilet doors and climbing out over the top of the cubicle

This story features an insanely detailed photo gallery of the inside of public toilets in Tiverton. Niche interest, purely for the Google optimisation, I should imagine.

Friday, 20 November 2015

Haunted house weirdness

Grimsby Telegraph: Grimsby family says their house is very very very haunted

Call me a skeptic, but this comes just a couple of weeks after Most Haunted visited a very very very haunted semi-detached recently. Naaaaaaah.

Spotter's Badge: Ash

Wednesday, 18 November 2015

Bad E-fit

Colchester Gazette: This man has done some bad things

Most of them involving make-up, it has to be said.

Don't have nightmares.

Tuesday, 17 November 2015